In which there is written an open letter to Spain

Dear Spain,

How are you centuries ahead of us in public transportation, sleeping patterns, and beverages, yet so far behind in hairstyles? When I rode your metro in Madrid, it was like a ride in Disney´s Futureland. Everything was so sleek and brightly colored, and you´re right that automatic doors don´t make much sense. The giant green button in your train was much more efficient. It was like those sensor sinks, except better. The doors didn`t open when you walked by.

Also, I hope that one day we Americans will follow your siesta lead. No one is actually productive from 2 - 4, so why not embrace it? Of course, it did make things a little tough when we got into Pamplona and everything was chained shut, but we got used to it. We needed to walk of that jet lag anyway.

And what`s with your opaque silver Pepsi bottles? Do you mean to tell me beverage plastic doesn´t have to be clear? That it`s even more space age (and earth friendly) if it looks like aluminum foil? Also, your wine is super cheap. I had a glass for dinner that was $0.88. Oh and I love that all your coffee is brewed by the cup in a French press. Man, drinking in your country makes me happy.

With all these modern strides, there`s just one thing holding you back, Spain, and I think it needs to be said. It`s the mullets. Everyone here has them. I saw a group of eleven schoolchildren the other day, and five had mullets. What are you teaching your children? We're not talking haven`t had a haircut in a while mullets, either. These mullets are a serious statement, Spain. Maybe it has something to do with the siestas... and the wine. Are mullets the haircut of the future? Am I just not getting it?